Stoner Dictionary | Schwag

Schwag: noun 1. a slang term for extremely low quality marijuana; also known as “swag,” “dirt weed” or “headache weed”

Example: “I never buy schwag, I only smoke top shelf.”

The one thing every MJ connoisseur hates to come in contact with is schwag, or swag. This is the lowest, most crap weed that you can smoke. As opposed to the dense, frosty, top shelf nuggets you would find at a medical marijuana dispensary, schwag is usually infested with seeds, branches, twigs, is brown in color, and dry and crumbly to the touch. It will often smell like dirt or mold making it actually dangerous to smoke for anyone who has any kind of mold allergy or respiratory ailments. These signs will guarantee that you have got yourself some bonafide schwag. That awful schwag will most likely be the result of poorly grown marijuana and was either harvested too early or too late in its growing cycle, often by amateurs or just plain carelessness. Schwag can also be an accumulation of shake or trimmings, left over from large batches but is still always bad quality and low potency. While there is often good quality shake and trimmings that can be used for cannabutter and other concentrates, there is never good quality schwag.

Another name for this kind of bad quality bud is “dirt weed,” “skank weed” or “headache weed” and is the stuff that you do not want to touch, smell, or especially smoke. Though the term schwag actually sounds Yiddish or German, its etymology is somewhat of a mystery. However, it was most likely coined around the time that Mexican brick weed began to gain popularity because of its availability and affordability.

Before the days of fancy medical marijuana dispensaries, Mexican brick weed was the standard and consisted of poorly grown outdoor, loose pieces of bud, leaf, trim, seed, and twig, mashed up and pressed into cubes for easier transport and smuggling.

Marijuana should never be squished into a square. Squares are not hip, they are not cool, and marijuana should never be associated with anything square, as it is the antithesis. Mary Jane is meant to cascade and tumble out of your nug jug. Your flowers should be happy and fluffy, or dense and heavy, sparkling with trichomes that are so sticky, you could smoke your fingers when you break your buds apart. It should not be ripped apart like compressed moss, schwag is not happy weed. In contrast to high quality buds, there are no pretty little THC crystals covering schwag and most agree that it does not even smell like marijuana. Schwag is dirt cheap to buy as it should be, seeing as how potent is not a word in its vocabulary. Half the time you can smoke an ounce of it to yourself and feel as sober as you did before, only with a bad taste in your mouth. Bottom line is that schwag would not be a good idea to get into and is best left wherever it was found.