Funny Ass Stoner Jokes

Funny Ass Stoner Jokes | Stoner Blog

Here is a list of stoner jokes so spark that bowl and get ready to laugh your stoned ass off! Enjoy.

So one day a boy asked a girl “Can you suck my dick?” and the girl replied “No I am a vegetarian, I only smoke them trees.”


Q: How do you know you are a true stoner?

A: When your bong gets washed more than your dishes!

Police Officer: “How high are you?” Pothead: “No officer, it’s “Hi, How are you?”

Q: What do you call a pothead with two spliffs?

A: Double jointed.


If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, There would be world peace for at least two hours. Followed by a global food shortage.

Q: Why is the roach clip called a roach clip?

A: Because pot holder was taken

Q: Did you hear about the kid that overdosed on weed?

A: Neither did I.


Q: What do you call a family that grows Marijuana in their backyard?

A: A Joint Family.

Q: What does marijuana and the Carolina Panthers have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls.

I was about to smoke weed with a Mexican girl. Until I asked her if she had papers, she immediately ran off.


Q: What is a stoners idea of a balanced diet?

A: A joint in each hand!

Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?

A: Han So-high

Q: Why don’t you see any pot heads in elementary school?

A: Because they’re all in HIGH school.


I never realized so many Muslims smoked weed. I always hear about them getting stoned…..

Q: What do you call money that grows on trees?

A: Marijuana

Q: What do you call a horny stoner?

A: A weed wacker!


Q: What do you call a bunch of stoned mexicans?

A: Baked Beans.

Q: How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree?

A: Wave.

Q: What do you get when you eat marijuana?

A: A pot belly

Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor?

A: Drug Abuse.

Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn’t inhale?

A: Mr. President.


Q: Why did the pot head plant cheerios?

A: He thought they were donut seeds.

Q: What do you call it when a roach ash burns your shirt?

A: A pot hole!

Q: What is Reality?

A: An illusion caused by a lack of good weed.

A stoner called the fire department and said, “Come quick my house is on fire!”  The Fireman asked “How do we get there?” The stoner says “DUH, in your big red truck!”


Q: How do you hide pot from a hippie?

A: Put it in his work boots.

Q: What do you called a stoned Pokemon?

A: Tokemon!

Q. What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend?

A. Homeless.


Friend: “You could go to jail for weed!” Stoner: “Dude… Jail sells weed?”

Q. Why did the stoner cross the street?

A. His dealer lived on the other side.

Q: What do a bad football team and a pothead have in common?

A: They both get blitzed!


Q: What type of pizza does a potheads eat?


Q: Did you hear about the midget that got baked?

A: He could finally hold his head up high.


Q: What do you call an event, when two cities that legalized marijuana get together.

A: The Super Bowl

Q: Why couldn’t the lifeguard save the hippie?

A: He was too far out, man!

Q: What is a stoner’s favorite dream?

A: Getting so high he can eat a star.


Q: What do you call a stoner flying through the hallways in college?

A: Enjointment.

Q: What do you call a cartoon about smoking trees?

A: George of the Junkies.

Q: What is the difference between a Protestant woman and a Muslim woman?

A: Protestant woman gets stoned before they commit adultery.

Q: What is 421 also known as?

A: National drug test day.


Q: Did you hear about the guitar that got baked?

A: It was highly strung.

Q: What do you call someone who smokes the Forest of Feelings?

A: I Don’t Care Bears.

Q: What do you call a fly on marijuana?

A: A High Flyer.

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Funny Ass Stoner Jokes | Stoner Blog