A Stoners Guide For First Time Smokers 

A Stoners Guide For First Time Smokers

Legal cannabis makes it a bit more tempting to try. In some ironic way the stereotypical soccer mom is now looked at as the hero of all moms. Keeping her  sh** together thanks to her legal cannabis and her glass of wine.

Leaving the “chronic” smokers shaking their heads and probably even saying to themselves “Do you even know how to smoke”?

It really is quite an interesting thought. How many new to cannabis users know how to smoke pot. Now that it’s legal. It’s fair game to those 18 or older. For the “chronic” pot head. It’s as easy as breathing. Knowing what to smoke, where to smoke or even how much to smoke. These can be questions for any new smoker to consider. For the first time “its legal now” soccer moms., you may want to ask the experts before sparking up.

Here are some need to knows before hitting that bong.


1) Who are you?​

Your personality plays a huge part in what strain you should get into. Many different kinds of cannabis for all kinds of personalities. Are you an extrovert or Introvert? Are you wanting to stimulate the limbic system of the brain? Or are you looking for more of a downer? Something to help ease the stress of your day to day life. Knowing the difference between the two main strains. Indica and Sativa are very important. Many bad trips happen from people  smoking up on the wrong strain.


2) Why are you smoking?​

Really why are you smoking? Are you doing it to look cool? To be able to relate to your 16 year old hormone driven daughter? Are you smoking it because now it’s legal and why not? Or are  you using it for the health benefits and creative benefits this plant can  bring you? You won’t get the true benefits of cannabis if you are smoking it  for the wrong reasons. Think of it as a relationship. You wouldn’t get into a
committed relationship with someone if  you didn’t feel a connection to them. So  why would you start smoking if you never  felt a connection to it. Find the reason  why and grow from that. That reason will  be your center. When your kids come  after you about cannabis and why you  smoke it, you can stand firm in your  reason why. Being able to educate your  kids. Not giving them some bullsh**  answer.


3)​ What type of smoker are you?​

Are you  a morning wake and bake ? an afternoon  delight or an evening toker? Each one will  affect you in different ways. Cannabis for everyone will eventually render  the body sleepy or zombie like. You may feel groggy, lazy or slow. If you  have never smoked before maybe the wake and bake is not for you.

4) What’s your poison?​

There are many ways to take in cannabis. J , blunt,  bong, one hooter, oil, hash, edible. And they can all affect the body and  brain in different ways. A J is classic and gives you an easy way to inhale  being able to control your intake. But knowing how to roll a J or even a  blunt is the first and foremost. Of course you can always buy a pre-rolled  one but that gets expensive. A J is typically made from rice paper.

Can come in many sizes and even flavors, a blunt is typically made from or with  tobacco, a bong is a glass and or plastic device that will take the toke  straight to the dome (head). This form involves having the lung capacity to  take in a certain amount of smoke. And then hold it in, then gently breathe  it out the mouth. This can be a daunting way to first toke up. Even myself, i  have to take at least 4 tries to clear one bowl for a bong. Back in my “ prime  time” i use to smoke cannabis with cigarettes. Gross.


5) Who are you smoking with? ​

This is a BIG one. For all you first time  smokers. Do not i repeat do not smoke with chronic pot heads. Chronic  potheads are in a whole other league. They are they best people to talk  about weed with. And they will probably help you out with rolling a joint or  lending you a bong. But they are not the people you want to spend your  first time high with. The reason why? Because it does sound like the best  people to smoke with. They have been smoking it for far too long to smoke  with first time users. Chronic smokers have a joint going even before the  first one is half done. And they most likely have at least 5 pre rolled joints  for the trip to the grocery store. As wonderful and caring as they are.

They won’t put up much of a fight if you asked for your 4th J. They will  probably chuckle say “are you sure” or “do you girl do you”. And passing  you the joint that you really did not need. And as you have a small panic  attack where you might feel like your going to die. Your stoner pal won’t be  much help. Sorry. Honest but true. I know this because i was one of them.  We can’t take you to the hospital. We can but we rather not it’s a waste of  time.


Something you first time smoker don’t quite know yet. Your coughing up what you think to be your last breath. The chronic smoker has  there 10th joint of the afternoon started and is most likely saying to you  something like this “ Are you okay?” “ Do you want some water?” “Drink some water” “ No your not going to die.. you just smoked to much” All this will be said in some way to relaxed voice while you’re too stoned, panicking about how you can’t feel your legs. I repeat do not have your first smoke with chronic potheads. You won’t have the best of time.

Writer: Megan Thiessen  Canada AB